Just
walk, that's all I've got to do. No planning, no meetings, no
emails to send or calls to answer, no bedroom to tidy, no dishes to
do--nothing to do but walk. I'm unable to imagine that no matter how
hard I try, and trust me I have tried.
Today,
I had things to do and things I wanted to do. I did the things that
needed to be done and made time for a few things I've wanted
to do. Do I want to walk, do I want to do nothing but walk? Yes, I want to know the experience of just being and
walking. As I walk I will take time to reevaluate my purpose, my
heart's desire, and reconfirm my commitment to follow my True North.
I'm
reminded of the first morning in the home of my host family in India
without anything that I had to do. It was as if I stepped off of a
moving sidewalk and into quick-dry concrete. I stepped off the
human-doingness of my society, yet the gravity of the constant motion
I'd been accustomed was still compelling me to do, do, do. My
equilibrium was uncomfortably askew and the only way I knew to regain
my balance was to start doing as soon as possible. I unpacked some of
my things, showered and purposely swung the door open to my private
room. The cook and housekeeper, Busanti, was on the other side as if
she had been waiting for me to emerge. She must have had strict
instructions from my hosts to fulfill me every whim. “Chai?” she
asked. Yes, I replied. Before I could tell her to point me to the
kitchen to help myself, she was gone. I went to my bags and retrieved
the notes I'd made on what I wanted to see and do while in India.
That's the first time I missed the opportunity to just be. I
would be lying if I said I escaped the culturally-ingrained impulse
to constantly be doing shortly after that.
This
journey will serve as another opportunity to just be, and I'll spend
some cherished hours walking from one yellow way-marker to the next, taking inventory of what hurts and offenses I still carry deep
within. I'll examine those persistent thoughts that have become
stubborn beliefs, deconstruct and shake them lose from the synapse
they're adhered to. And in other times I'll simply enjoy the ride my
feet take me on.
